One day at a time

Men's Hearts Shall Fail Them

2011-12-01T20:16:00.000-08:00

Olivia

2011-10-03T22:13:00.000-07:00

Almost 3 weeks ago, one of our biggest fears became a reality when my sweet niece Olivia, who has a rare chromosome disorder which makes her susceptible to eye tumors, was diagnosed with retinoblastoma (eye cancer). Last week she had her left eye removed. We are waiting for her pathology report to come back to find out if the cancer has spread and whether or not chemo is going to be in her future.

These last few weeks have been full of tears, sadness, anger, hope, faith, generosity, excitement, gratitude, and peace.

To watch this little girl take on a single day is inspiring. Only 4 days after a surgery that has forever changed her life and she is back to the same old Liv. She is HAPPY. She is SILLY. She is full of energy and LIFE.
This journey is far from over, but I KNOW that this is how she will be through whatever lies ahead. She is STRONG and she is bravBRAVE. It is just WHO SHE IS.

You can follow her journey through her blog 13 pavements
there is also a blog for donations and the fundraisers that have been set up on Love 4 Livi

Little Squish, you are brave, and you are smart. You inspire all who know you and know your story. You will triumph and you will touch many lives. You bring happiness into my life and to everyone around you. I love you more than you know. You have an AMAZING mother. At such a young age, I can already see that you have many of her qualities. You couldn't have been blessed with better parents. You will get through this journey together. Thank you for being such an inspiration. I love you baby girl.

My Mama

2010-05-09T13:17:00.004-07:00

My sister said it best.

Our Mom is pretty great. And sometimes I take her for granted.

I love her more than she knows. I miss her more than she realizes.

I become more and more grateful for her and the example that she is everyday.

"I will love you for ever, I will like you for always.

As long as I am living my Mama you'll be."

Fog

2010-04-29T19:15:00.000-07:00

I don't know what it is.
Maybe its the weather
Maybe its this place
it could be several things.

I wish the fog would clear itself, but I don't think it will.

I have been surrounded by it for too long now.
It's heavy and it makes me tired.
It makes me blue.
Maybe it is here to stay for good.
I hope not.

It makes me miss you and that is never good.
I don't know how to rid myself of this fog
so for now I will just believe it will go.

New...

2010-01-06T06:44:00.000-08:00

day.

month.

year.

shoes.

school.

job.

hope.

Strength

2009-10-16T00:21:00.001-07:00

I have a list

2009-10-07T20:56:00.000-07:00

25 does not sound appealing. Not right now anyway.
I don't feel ready. Good thing I have a year.
But a year will go by FAST.

There are things you are "supposed" to do by the time you are 25.
I haven't done them.

Yes, I have "done" things, but I haven't accomplished much. Not the things that are important.
I don't have complete control.
I don't like that.
So I made a list.

A list of things that I want to complete by 25.
You might say some things on this list are "not important" but they are things I feel are necessary.

What's on this list?
Well, you will have to wait until I report on each of the items as they are completed.

Wish me luck!

Infinite Power of Hope

2009-09-27T11:01:00.000-07:00

Miss Livi is here!

2009-09-06T13:22:00.000-07:00

a week late but...

Miss Olivia Jane was born on August 30, 2009 at 2:42 AM
Weighing in at only 8 lbs. 1 oz.
(pretty average size but tiny when you are expecting a good 9 or 10 pounder)
and 21 inches long.

Her parents couldn't be more blessed.
She couldn't be more beautiful.
She couldn't be any more perfect.

We couldn't be any more excited!
This little girl couldn't be any more loved!

This man...

2009-08-11T12:07:00.000-07:00

brings a smile to my face and a tear to my eye. He has been on my mind a lot lately. He is struggling and he is in pain. I hate the thought of what he is going through. I hate the C word and I hate that it keeps coming back to torture our family. It is ugly. It is mean. It is not fair.

This man is a fighter and I hope he will keep fighting. He is an important piece to our family puzzle. He makes time spent together that much better. His love for life and adventure is infectious. He has been counting down the days for Leslie to be better so he can go on another cruise. I hope that it does not have to be postponed for long.

This man is the most gentle, hard working, simple, and loving man I have ever known. He defines the phrase Hark worker, it shows on his strong and gentle hands. He delights in many small things that often would go unnoticed. He could stand outside for hours just looking at his beautiful garden, watch as the water is pumped onto his green grass, or enjoying every bite of his cinnamon roll.

I love this man and I am so grateful for the ways I have seen him grow and open up as our grandpa. I love sitting next to him holding his hand as we watch all that is going on around us. And I always look forward to hugging him and hearing him say the words "I love you Hay bug".

I love you Gramps and we are all fighting with you and for you! See you soon!

If...

2009-08-04T14:10:00.000-07:00

You break a mirror into a million tiny little pieces
and manage to piece it all back together
will it ever be the same?

Team 50

2009-07-25T18:34:00.000-07:00

There was no better way to celebrate Lester's 50th Birthday
to celebrate her strength, courage, and hope than at the Relay for Life.

There was so much excitement in the 3 weeks of preparation for this party.
And with the help of many of her closest family and friends it was a HUGE success.
There were times that we were certain she knew that something was going on...

But as she rounded the corner and saw over 100 black t-shirts waiting to wish her a happy birthday it was clear that it was indeed a surprise.

Grandpa met Leslie with open arms and together they finished the Survivor lap.

at 11:45 PM Team 50 got on our party hats and walked the Birthday Lap.

I had never participated in Relay for Life and it exceeded all expectations.
It was one of the best experiences I have ever had.
It was happy, peaceful, exciting, you could feel the strength from all the people there showing love and support for their loved ones in the battle. It was devastating to see how many lives in one small community are effected by this ugly thing. It was great to see everyone come together.

Leslie deserved to have a great day and I think that is what she got.
She needed to see just how many people are fighting with her, who love her and believe in her.
No one is more loved or more deserving.

Friends, the Fourth and Fireworks

2009-07-08T21:13:00.000-07:00

I had a great time in LA, celebrating birthdays and Independence, playing like children and eating great food, laughing and reminiscing, watching the sunset and fireworks, sailing and pirate names, sun burn and sunscreen, eating frozen yogurt and funnel cake, ski ball and face painting.

The first night was the big surprise. We had planned to keep my visit there a secret since I was coming the day of Amy's birthday. We thought it would be fun to have me show up to dinner without her knowing I was coming. That morning she decided she would just meet Tiffany for frozen yogurt early before heading to have dinner and spend the evening with her family. We called to let her dad in our plan and it all went down hill from there. After too much confusion and frustration we opted to drive to her dad's house to surprise her and it ended up working out alright. Amy was surprised.

We started her "27th" birthday celebration with dinner at Buca di Beppo in Santa Monica.
After dinner we headed down to the pier for a little ski ball and funnel cake.

The next day we headed to Hermosa Beach for a day in the sun.
We didn't let the lack of sunshine stop us from having a good time.
We swam, did crosswords, flew kites and made sand"castles".
We were glad we had taken a picture of our sand castle because not 5 minutes after stepping away we watched in horror as a little 5 year old stomped it to the ground.
Sad Day!

These are the sweet shells Amy received in her Bag O' Fun.

We woke up bright and early to head to the 4th of July parade in Huntington Beach.
It was a beautiful day. The parade consisted of a billion boy scouts, brave men and women that fight for our country and lots of marching bands.

After the parade ended we headed down to find some good eats and then took a nap on the beach before heading up to Marina Del Rey to go sailing.

Sailing was everything we hoped it to be and more. It was the perfect way to end a beautiful day. James took 10 girls out on the water all by himself. He was more nervous than we were. We BBQ'd steak and watched the sunset on the water and then tried to keep warm as we waited for the fireworks to start.

It was worth the wait. I have never seen a more beautiful fireworks show.

Cheers to a perfect 4th of July!

Happy Fathers Day...

2009-06-21T11:21:00.000-07:00

to all the fathers in my life.

I have been blessed with great men in my life. Men that I know I was meant to learn and grow from. To have around at the times when my own Dad wasn't around.

The bishops of my singles wards, such great men. Bishop Brown, Bishop Lamereaux and Bishop Eastland- are some of the greatest men I know. They are inspired. They are uplifting and knew what I needed and just how to say it. I have been blessed by their example and their love. Happy Father's Day!

EJ Corry, Allen Olsen, and Brian Seitzinger- other "dads" that have been there for me, setting great examples, welcoming me into their homes, and giving me blessings and guidance when I needed it most. Happy Father's Day.

Dan. I couldn't have picked a greater man to walk with us, to love us and to care for us just as my own Dad would have done. He gives unselfishly, wants nothing but happiness for us. He wants to make our dreams a reality, for us to believe in ourselves, and to love ourselves and get everything we deserve.

Happy Father's Day!

My Dad. I still miss you. I am so grateful that I got you for my Dad. Even though it was only for a short while. I am who I am because of you. I am better because of you. I am grateful for your example and that I am not a daughter of a father who's love I have to question. I KNOW you loved me and my sisters more than anything. But I hate that you are gone. My heart aches for you. To feel your arms wrap tightly around me. To hold your big hard working hands. To see your big wide smile across your face every time you saw one of your girls, a little baby or a sweet old lady. To hear your voice belting out songs about bull-legged women. To fall asleep in your arms. To hear you snoring. To hear you say "I love you" just one more time. I need you.

Happy Father's Day!

Opposition

2009-06-11T20:28:00.000-07:00

"The Lord's way is not hard. Life is hard, not the gospel. 'There is an opposition in all things' (2 Nephi 2:11), everywhere, for everyone. Life is hard for all of us, but life is also simple. We have only two choices (see Moroni 7:15–17). We can either follow the Lord and be endowed with His power and have peace, light, strength, knowledge, confidence, love, and joy, or we can go some other way, any other way, whatever other way, and go it alone—without His support, without His power, without guidance, in darkness, turmoil, doubt, grief, and despair. And I ask, which way is easier?"

Lawrence E. Corbridge, "The Way," Ensign, Nov. 2008, 36

My summer playlist

2009-06-07T20:13:00.000-07:00

Kings of Leon

Parachute

Mat Kearney

Matt Nathanson

Tegan and Sara

Dave Matthews Band

Shinedown-Second Chance

Jodi Picoult

2009-06-03T10:03:00.000-07:00

I did something I don't do very often.

I read a book. From start to finish. My sisters might joke that I don't know how to read.

Might not seem that big of an accomplishment but it is. And I loved it. Although I come from long line of readers, somehow I missed out on that trait.

The only book I actually read all the way through as a school assignment was The Client. Since high school I can probably count all the books I have read on 2 hands.

Reading just isn't my thing. Once in a while I will "crave" a good book so I will find something to read and I will start. I get easily distracted by other things going on around me or the thoughts in my head. Sometimes I get bored and skip to the next page. Often I don't make it to the last page.

I read the Twilight series. The first book was a breeze, I finished the 2nd but I struggled to make it through 3 and 4 and I loved the books and characters. But I struggled.

I have seen previews for My Sisters Keeper that comes out in a couple weeks. I remembered seeing the book while browsing Barnes and Noble.

I decided I wanted to read the book before the movie came out. LOVED IT! I read every work on every page. Jodi Picoult is a great writer. My Sisters Keeper is a great book. And I cant wait to see the movie although, I anticipate that it will not be as good as the book was.

I like books that are real. Ones that make you question yourself and your beliefs; Make you wonder what you would do in that situation and open your eyes to issues that are going on in the world. Picoult writes about a lot of different social issues (genetic engineering, suicide, rape, the death penalty, school shootings, wrongful birth, etc.) Her books are heavy, difficult and captivating. I picked up my 2nd book of hers The Pact I hope this one is as good as the last.

Today

2009-05-24T23:44:00.000-07:00

I am grateful for those brave soldiers who have sacrificed so much. I am grateful that my Great-Grandma Jensen was an example of a patriot. She loved her country and what it meant to be an American.

Today Americans across this great country will join together in remembering those American warriors—throughout our storied history—who gave their lives in defense of freedom. From the blood-soaked beaches of France to the bombed-out back-alleys of Fallujah, the American G.I. has fought—and died—opposing that which is evil and oppressive, and defending all things good and free.

Memorial Day is about one thing: remembering the fallen on the battlefield and passing their collective story to the next generation. These stories, and the men who bear them, are the backbone of this American experiment and must never be forgotten.

And this day, with America still at war, it is also fitting that we remember the soldiers currently serving in harms way. Because just one moment, one explosion, or one bullet separates Veterans Day from Memorial Day. Soldiers currently in Iraq and Afghanistan are fighting for our freedoms today, knowing it’s possible they may never see tomorrow. These troops—and their mission—deserve our support each day, and our prayers every night. May God watch over them—and their families; May He give them courage in the face of fear, and righteous might in the face of evil.

There are no words that can truly commemorate the heroism of these men. But one voice, in my opinion, comes closer than any other. During the Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln had this to say about the men who had fought and died at the battle of Gettysburg.

“We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth."

Almost 150 years later, the words of Lincoln still resonate. But it doesn’t take being Commander-in-Chief to honor the fallen. This Memorial Day, I hope you remember the brave men and women that have heroically served this nation, and perished on the battlefield. It is the duty of every American to ensure that they are never forgotten.

Now.

2009-04-29T15:54:00.000-07:00

"This is our one and only chance at mortal life—here and now. The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief. Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and nonexistent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey—now."

Thomas S. Monson, "Finding Joy in the Journey," Ensign, Nov. 2008, 85

Void

2009-04-21T20:22:00.000-07:00

i have been back half a year. and i miss it like you wouldn't believe. when i was there i missed home. but i came home to find that "home" was different than i remembered it. my home moved 285 miles. its not the same. i am glad to be back with my family but it's not the "home" i missed. i didn't miss the house. i missed belonging, familiarity and having loved ones at hand. there is a different feeling here. i don't know my place in this town. 5 streets are starting to become familiar but beyond that is unknown. i am "home" yet i am still missing...

i miss living on the 3rd floor of barrington plaza. i miss being greeted by beltus-my crazy stalker/doorman each night. i miss my 4/5 roommates. i miss late night chats with some of my favorite girls. i miss our girl talk and learning from each others experience. i miss smelling floyd and frederick as i walked in the door. i miss our dirty carpet. i miss sleeping across from collette and (brianne, tiffany, doris, suzy, etc). i miss getting ready for church on sunday mornings with my church music blasting through the wall to our non-member neighbors. i miss the boys upstairs. and k-ball, greg and vic. i miss the ward out there. i miss bishop eastland. i miss l-z relief society. i miss the friends i made in that ward. i miss tiff, mehgan and kelly, lise and hannah. i miss riding the metro. i miss the array of smells on the bus. i miss running up to the bus as it pulled away. i miss cms. i miss the crazy people i worked with. i miss the talented people i got to meet and be influenced by. i miss sharing an office with leonard. i miss doing makeup.

i could go on for hours listing the things i miss. each thing i think of brings up something else. there is so much there that i will never have here. i can't wait to go back and visit. i can't wait to see those girls. i can't wait. hopefully i won't have to wait too long.

My Bucket List

2009-04-15T18:28:00.000-07:00

Learn to whistle

Become fluent in another language
Buy a 'round the world ticket' to see the world
Travel with a humanitarian aide organization
Work in an orphanage
Dive with a Whale Shark

Skydive
Step foot on every continent
Ride a horse on the beach
Adopt a child
Drive a car on the wrong side of the road
Ride a camel
See a Zebra in the wild

Run a marathon
Save a life
Attend major sporting event (Superbowl, Olympics (not in Utah), etc)
Paint a portrait to hang on my wall
Swim with Dolphins
Be in the audience of Ellen
Cross a glacier on foot
Learn to play a musical instrument with some degree of skill
Grow a garden
Find a charity that I am truly passionate about and get involved
Scuba in the Great Barrier Reef
Go deep sea fishing
Learn to make sushi
Illustration for a childrens book
Fly a plane
Learn to Surf
Visit 7 wonders of the world

Ride something bigger than a horse
Visit a real blues bar in Chicago
Buy a boat
Learn to sail
Travel India by train
Bathe in the Ganges
Photograph an endangered species
Travel the Pacific Coast Highway by motorcycle
Experience Love Parade in Berlin

Make a difference

Win the lottery to make all this happen!

Coincidence or an answer?

2009-03-26T22:07:00.000-07:00

Do Not Take Counsel from Your Fears

"I urge you to not take counsel of your fears. I hope you will not say, 'I'm not smart enough to study chemical engineering; hence, I'll study something less strenuous.' 'I can't apply myself sufficiently well to study this difficult subject or in this comprehensive field; hence, I'll choose the easier way.' I plead with you to choose the hard way and tax your talents. Our Heavenly Father will make you equal to your tasks. If one should stumble, if one should take a course and get less than the 'A' grade desired, I hope such a one will not let it become a discouraging thing to him. I hope that he will rise and try again."

Thomas S. Monson, "Decisions Determine Destiny," New Era, Nov. 1979, 8

Not very often...

2009-03-20T19:05:00.001-07:00

but once in a while, I get angry.

Today is one of those days.

I am mad that I have been robbed of someone that can't be replaced.
I am angry that I have to wait a lifetime to be with him again.

I am angry cause I didn't get to say goodbye,
I am angry that he didn't tell me goodbye.

I am angry that I don't remember the last conversation we had.
The last conversation that I do remember having was a few days before, I think it was his birthday. He had just went to see Passion of the Christ. He didn't like the movie. "It was difficult to watch". We talked about the atonement.
He said he missed me and he loved me. That is the last conversation I remember vividly.

I didn't get to talk to him that last Saturday. I was working all day. He called once while I was at work and didn't leave a message. I wish he would have.

I am angry at Kristie for the way she has chosen to handle or rather not handle things since he left.
I am angry that it is "too painful for her".

I am angry that we spent that last few years so far apart.

I am angry because I felt cheated cause he missed my volleyball games, he didn't get to know my friends in high school or dance the "father daughter dance" at my junior prom.

I won't ever get a father daughter dance.

But I am really angry about the things that he is going to miss out on.

I am angry that I won't get to introduce him to the man I marry.
I am angry that he won't be there to threaten him when he asks me to be his wife.

I am angry that I won't get to call him when I find out I am pregnant with my first child.
I won't get to see he hold my babies and look at their toes.

I am angry that I won't get to watch him get old.
That he didn't get to live a full life and that was his choice.
I am angry that he was sick, and couldn't control his actions.

I hate that this "happened for a reason"
and that "this is the way things were suppose to end up".

I am angry that he loved us enough much to leave us.

I am angry because anger is part of the "process"
Why is this the first time in 5 years that I have felt this kind of anger?

I hate that I can't have all the answers now.

I have no problem talking about my dad to others, but I am angry that it is so painful to talk about him to the ones that share the pain.
I am angry that the only way I feel I can release all this anger right now is on the World Wide Web.

I am angry that love can cause so much pain.
I am angry that this pain is real.

Saturday, March 13th 2004

2009-03-13T13:34:00.000-07:00

It's been 5 years.
Some days it feels like yesterday
Other days it feels like forever.

I remember that day all too clearly:

I was working at the Art Center still and we had a huge event that night. We had made 600 ham, turkey and roast beef sandwiches, 600 eclairs and 600 slices of cheesecake topped with cherries, raspberries, and blueberries. I was excited for this reception. The flowers were beautiful, and so was the grooms little brother.

I had just been on break with dani, kelsey, and maybe 2 other girls whose names I have forgotten.
I was wearing the "scream" tie. It matched my eyeshadow.

Carol and Steve were getting ready to leave. They were nervous that there wasn't enough food.

I looked at my phone and it was 7:24. Reception was to start in 6 minutes and people were already lining up. Instantly my stomach was in knots and I felt queasy and my head was spinning. Carol knew right away I wasn't feeling well and told me to go home.

I had been fine all day and wasn't sure why I suddenly felt so horrible. I hesitated to leave knowing the crowd that would be flooding the doors that night. I didn't want to leave them shorthanded, but Carol insisted. That is so not like Carol. I helped them get everything out and ready grabbed my stuff and left.

I decided to drive to Michelle's until I felt a little better. I text Jen and Kelly to see what they were up to. They were going to see "Secret Window" with Johnny Depp. I agreed to go. They said they would come meet me at Michelle's.

Katie had just gotten home from St. George so I gave her a call. She answered the phone and I knew immediately something was up. I asked her what was wrong and she insisted nothing was wrong, but I knew that wasn't true. She kept asking when I was coming home. I told her to tell me what was wrong. She asked where I was and if I was alone. Steph and her friend were there. She said she would tell me when I got home but I insisted she tell me right now. She choked up and barely got the words out of her mouth.

My heart sunk deep into my chest and I lost it. I dropped the phone on the kitchen floor and fell to my knees. I picked the phone up and handed it to Steph. I don't know what Katie told her. I could tell Steph and Aubrey were horrified. I got up and started wondering around. I didn't know what to do. I saw headlights pull into the driveway. I went outside and they saw I wasn't okay. Jen got out of the car and I fell to the ground. She just held me. I was so glad she was there. She understood the feelings I was having better than anyone I knew. They got me into their car and we headed to our apartment in Orem to be with Katie.

I sat with Katie while she made some other hard phone calls. Katie was so strong. She was there to comfort me and make me feel better when she was feeling the same things. She helped me find reasons to smile. I am so glad we were able to be together that night. The rest of the night and the many days that followed are a blur. It felt like a really long, bad dream and we were just waiting for it to end. Minutes felt like hours and hours felt like days.

Before that day I didn't know what it felt like to miss someone. I knew what it felt like to lose someone. I left all my friends just 4 years before that. I had grand parents that had passed on, but I had never felt a pain like that.

Every time March 13th comes around, I feel like "this year the pain will lessen".

But it doesn't.

Instead, I am overwhelmed by the things he is missing out on. Things that I won't get to share with him, physically. I know he is still here with me all the time, but it's not the same.

It will never be the same.

I try to recall all the memories. But so many of them don't come back to me. I wish I had payed more attention. I wished I had written in a journal. I wish I hadn't been so wrapped up in my life to care more about my family and remember the small things.

But I have lots of great memories, and everyday I see little reminders of him everywhere I go. We have lots of pictures that remind me.

I think of you everyday dad,
your big gentle hands, and the way you smelled.
I think of your laugh and how your eyes twinkled when you'd smile.
I think of your bald head and the way it dripped with sweat.
I think of the songs you'd sing as you'd cook holey-eggs while dancing in the kitchen.
The way you'd shake your glass of ice when you needed more water.
I think of you tying your shoes with your foot propped on your knee so the knot was always to the side.
I think of the way you loved to help people.
The way I would fall asleep in your arms nearly every night until I was at least 12.
You never passed a vehicle on the side of the road without stopping.
You always helped old women to their car when their legs weren't strong enough to carry them.
You held almost every baby in sight. And always made friends with the little kids sitting next to us in a restaurant.
You took pride in going over and cutting Grandma's toenails.
I don't think one night went by, ever, without calling to tell your parents goodnight.

I miss you more than you know and I am grateful for the example that you were.
So much of who I am is because of you.

I love you forever, I like you for always,
As long as I'm living my hero you'll be.

53: Just the way he'd want it

2009-03-13T12:12:00.000-07:00

3 sleezas all together, happy and celebrating.

And what birthday is complete without a little cake...

in the face?

Round 2:

That is just how Dad would have ended any birthday party.

Happy 53rd B-day Daddy!

2009-03-09T18:03:00.000-07:00

Bear Hugs and Baby Toes

Whenever I see
a mischievious grin,
twinkling eyes
or tiny baby toes-

Whenever I hear
a belly-busting-laugh,
a silly joke,
a child's laugh or cry-

Whenever I get
a big bear hug,
a kiss on the cheek,
or a squeeze-till-it-hurts-

Whenever it's March,
or even Springtime,
a birthday party,
or Happy Easter-

Whenever I drink
a glass of ice water,
open a bottle of mustard,
or put on a bandanna-

Whenever I see
a Batman in ink,
a beautiful girl
in a hardware store-

Whenever I hear
a song from an angel,
giggles from tickles,
or a laugh-until-you-cry,

Whenever I feel
the sincerity of a kind heart,
or soft hands that know
just where to snip-

I fondly remember
big-hearted,
sentimental and tender,
fun-loving Matt-

Now and forever
a protector, a guardian,
an angel armed
with bullhorn, taser and siren-

Watching over his precious
amazing and beautiful,
ever courageous,
Katie, Julie and Haley.

Written by Aunt Michelle

Happy Birthday Dad. We miss you more than ever
and wish you were here to celebrate with us.
Love you forever and always,
Your "sun-shine"

Static

2009-03-03T21:06:00.001-08:00

I feel like my life the last 5 months has been much like TV static.
It's like I was watching a really good show and right when it gets to the best part...

And nothing.

It's annoying, and strangely captivating
I keep watching, hoping for it to change but the longer I watch,
the dizzier I get.

It gives me a headache, makes me a little sick to my stomach

the sound is a boring chaos.

March Madness

2009-03-02T23:33:00.000-08:00

It's March. March is a hard month.
It is a good month but a hard month.

This is the month that I am ever so grateful for sisters.
They are always there when it really counts.

To share the laughter, the pain, the tears, the memories, the frustration, the love,
and the silence of unanswered questions.

They are my strength, my support, and my best friends.
They know me better than I know myself. I don't have to explain things to them.
I don't ever have to ask them, they just know.

I am grateful I don't have to experience March on my own.

She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days, she's the reason you wish you were an only child. ~Barbara Alpert

I SDLY YOU SLEEZAS
And miss you everyday!

Good Things Will Come

2009-02-07T18:19:00.000-08:00

There are days when you wish you could just call someone on the phone and have them tell you exactly what you want to hear, just the right thing to calm your fears, gives you hope, puts the light back in your eye, and makes everything seem okay. It's not always that easy, at least for me. When I find myself in that place I usually will not call, instead I wait it out by myself or tell myself to get over it, I'm fine.

Today was one of those days. Nothing happened to put me in this place, but a combination of recent things just got to be too much. It is hard being in this place, a place that used to be home. A place that I always wanted to come back to. But now I am here, and it feels so empty. All that is left here are reminders of how things once were. I am too close to one thing that I can't have and everywhere I go I am reminded of that. It is frustrating to be the one with all the pain, struggling to hold on to the hope for things that lie ahead. I didn't choose for things to be this way. I didn't want this. It wasn't my actions that shattered your heart into a million pieces, yet I am the one suffering.

I came across a old receipt that had written on it a couple notes from relief society many months ago by an amazing sister back in LA. I had written on it the title of a talk from Elder Holland, "An High Priest of Good Things to Come". I got on the computer and looked it up. And the tears continued to stream down my cheeks. He says:

"...there is the promise of “good things to come.” My declaration is that this is precisely what the gospel of Jesus Christ offers us, especially in times of need. There is help. There is happiness. There really is light at the end of the tunnel. It is the Light of the World, the Bright and Morning Star, the “light that is endless, that can never be darkened.” It is the very Son of God Himself. In loving praise far beyond Romeo’s reach, we say, “What light through yonder window breaks?” It is the return of hope, and Jesus is the Sun. To any who may be struggling to see that light and find that hope, I say: Hold on. Keep trying. God loves you. Things will improve. Christ comes to you in His “more excellent ministry” with a future of “better promises.” He is your “high priest of good things to come.”

I am not carrying this pain on my own. My Savior has been here before, he has walked this path and felt this pain. There is a plan and I have been promised good things and I will receive those good things. I will only have to bear this for a short time. I just have to Hold on.

Grateful For It

2009-02-03T19:49:00.000-08:00

Grateful for portable heaters that I can move around my apartment with me to keep from freezing.

Grateful for my fam. Somehow I managed to get the best parents and siblings anyone could ask for. They are my rock.

Grateful for timing and how things always work out.

Grateful for my today's and that I am able to spend these last days with BJ. As hard as it may be it is a true blessing. She is a pillar of strength. She has experienced life to the fullest. She knows what she believes. She will spend her last days doing things for people. She knows forgiveness. She is thoughtful. I don't understand why people have to go through so much pain but she does it with grace and never fails to find reason to laugh. I have so much to learn.

Grateful for the sun shining.

Grateful for great ward leaders. No matter where I have been I have managed to be put in wards where the leaders are inspiring, encoufaging, and full of love.

Grateful for neighbors unsecured internet and the way it helps me to feel connected.

Grateful for my health. As I watch others striggle I realize I take it for granted.

Grateful for my ability to speak out although it isn't always very loud.

Grateful for knowledge. There is so much that I have learned that has changed my life for good. I am a better person because of what you have taught.

A reminder

2009-01-29T10:51:00.000-08:00

"Tragic or humorous is a matter of perspective"

Perspective changes everything.

Sometimes I forget this and think that things are just as I see them.

But I don't always see them for what they really are.

There is good in hard,
learning in silence,
strength in weakness,
flaws in perfection.

It is just a matter of how you look at it.

I just need to remember that.

A few people I am missing today

2009-01-08T11:24:00.000-08:00

It is a shame that we can't tuck a handful of people into our pocket to take with us on this walk of life. Too often we get to enjoy being together just long enough to make it painful to go without. Luckily paths will cross again but sometimes it's just not soon enough!

Mastering Fear

2009-01-07T20:43:00.000-08:00

"Fearlessness is not the the absence of fear. Rather, it's the mastery of fear. Courage is the knowledge of what is not to be feared. There are things that we should be afraid of- we want to stay alive, after all. We will never completely eliminate fear from our lives, but we can definitely get to the point where our fears do not stop us from daring to think new thoughts, try new things, take risks, fail, start again, and be happy.

Fearlessness is about getting up one more time than we fall down. The more comfortable we are with the possibility of falling down, the less worries we are of what people will think if and when we do, the less judgmental of ourselves we are every time we make a mistake, the more fearless we will be, and the easier our journey will become."

-from On Becoming FEARLESS by Arianna Huffington

A New Way in the New Year

2008-12-28T16:21:00.000-08:00

2008 has come and gone as 2009 approaches

I have done a lot of thinking about the things that await in the new year.
It excites me.

There will be a lot of changes,
some expected some not.

But in either case I look forward to it in much anticipation.

I hope that 2009 brings:

happiness
health
opportunity for growth
adventure
peace
gratitude
patience
knowledge
love

Inspired by Jim Carrey in 'Yes Man', a CD and a commencement address, that I randomly came across. I have decided against making any New Years Resolutions and that instead I will be making a change to my attitude and my approach to life.

I will start "living fearlessly in a fearful world". I will say "yes" to new opportunities. To things that I don't like. To things outside my comfort zone. To things that I fear.

This will be a year of growth in many ways that are unknown.
And I am looking forward to each day.

I am grateful for the things that 2008 brought.

I have learned what it means to live, to love, to lose.

I have grown as a woman.

I have grown as daughter of God.

I have learned from my mistakes.

I have learned to go with my gut, in spite of what I want.

I have learned the importance of family and what it means to "be there".

I have witnessed miracles in the midst of the storm.

I have learned that almost 5 years later, I still miss you.

I have learned to rely on the Holy Ghost and my Heavenly Father through the good and the bad.

I have learned that my plan isn't always the best plan.

I have learned that things always work out for my own good.

I have learned what it means to follow the prophet, blindly because you don't always understand.

I have learned the importance of education.

I have learned and grown more in the last 12 months than I ever thought I could and I will only learn and grow more in 2009.

I Think...

2008-12-19T16:31:00.000-08:00

this is where I will be heading next.
Denber, Colorado
I think it could be good.
We'll see.

The Words

2008-12-12T20:55:00.000-08:00

Although I am not musically inclined, music is one of the things I cannot live without. I find myself constantly creating a soundtrack of my life. Music is my way of saying what my mouth cannot. It heals me, it inspires me, it makes me believe.

I have learned to appreciate all different styles and genres of music for various reasons. I love lyrics. I love the way people are able to put words together to tell a story, or to get their point across. I also love when different artists collaborate and give a song a new feel. Here are a few that I enjoy!

Shania Twain and Elton John

Sarah McLachland and Pink

John Mayer and Colbie Caillot

Heart and Fergie

We all know Lady Marmalade. I'm a fan!

Aerosmith, Britney Spear, NSYNC, Mary J Blige

Reba and Kelly Clarkson

Although this is a commercial, I am still including it.

Talor Swift and Def Leppard

This one is just for fun :)

Alright, I will stop now. You get the idea.

Out From Under

2008-12-04T23:35:00.000-08:00

Breathe you out
Breathe you in
You keep coming back to tell me
You're the one who could have been
And my eyes see it all so clear
It was long ago and far away but it never disappears
I try to put it in the past
Hold on to myself and don't look back

I don't wanna dream about
All the things that never were
Maybe I can live without
When I'm out from under
I don't wanna feel the pain
What good would it do me now
I'll get it all figured out
When I'm out from under

So let me go
Just let me fly away
Let me feel the space between us growing deeper
And much darker every day
Watch me now and I'll be someone new
My heart will be unbroken
It will open up for everyone but you
Even when I cross the line
It's like a lie I've told a thousand times

And part of me still believes
When you ay you're gonna stick around
And part of me still believes
We can find a way to work it out
But I know that we tried everything we could try
So let's just say goodbye
Forever

I don't wanna dream about
All the things that never were
Maybe I can live without
When I'm out from under
I don't wanna feel the pain
What good would it do me now
I'll get it all figured out
When I'm out from under

Wishing You a Wonderful Christmas Season!

2008-11-30T23:00:00.000-08:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

UNITED States of America

2008-11-04T20:29:00.001-08:00

It is time that we as Americans need to come together in UNITY and show our support to our new President of the United States, President Barack Obama. As he states, "we are not as divided as our politics suggest."

Can we do it?

YES WE CAN

DO IT....

2008-11-04T13:22:00.000-08:00

ABC...XYZ

2008-11-04T12:59:00.000-08:00

A = Age: 23
B = Bed size: currently Gram's little full size
C = Chore(s) you hate: Bathroom
D = Dessert you love: Ice Cream
E = Essential start your day item: face moisturizer and OJ
F = Favorite actor(s): Julia Roberts and Denzel Washington
G = Gold or Silver: Silver
H = Height: 5'7''
I = Instruments you play: None...we always fought mom when it was time for piano...wish I would have stuck with it.
J = Job title: None- not so sure I like it :/ But its a nice break.
K = Kitchen color(s): Don't have one of my own right now, I use Gram's and its green
L = Living arrangements: Gram's basement
M = My name is: Haley
N = Nicknames: Hells, Hay, sisters have plenty that I need not mention
O = Overnight hospital stay(s): stayed overnight when I got 2 wisdom teeth out. It was worth the $600 I got paid (thank you Jean Brown Research)
P = Pets: Notta
Q = Favorite quote: "People are only has happy as they make up their minds to be"-Abe Lincoln
R = Right or left handed: Right
S = Siblings: 2 sleeza's and a littlest sister
T = Time you woke up today: 8:30 when J dropped off the rats (not actual rats, just her 2 youngest children)
U = Unique about you: I wouldn't say I am very unique, just a very ordinary girl.
V = Vegetable you love: pretty much all of them but I am excited to enjoy some sweet corn on the cob soon!
W = Worst habit: Nail biter
X = X-Rays you've had: my feet (left on sewing pin, right one TV)
Y = Yummy food you make: Everything I make is yummy!
Z = Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

Lieons and Tigirls and Bears...OH MY!!!

2008-10-31T21:12:00.000-07:00

I have heard that "the road to happiness is paved with yellow brick". I am a believer that we are not just sent here to endure to the end, but to find and enjoy true happiness along the way.

There are things that I know will bring many blessings of happiness into my life. Obtaining these things are not as easy as I'd like to think they should be, I don't understand why things that are so meaningful and so great have to be so complicated and difficult or maybe it's just me that chooses the path that is not as smooth as the others may be.

4 years ago, almost to the day, I came across this nice yellow colored path. I took a few steps and decided I liked what I saw. As I journeyed on this yellow path, I have come across some obstacles. Some obstacles were only found by stubbing my toe, some caused me to trip and fall, some just took a little more energy to cross.

After each set of obstacles was a fork in the road that if chosen, would lead back to a familiar place much like the one I had started at before. I hated the thought of starting over again on a new unfamiliar path. I chose to follow the road I was on. I was confident that I would be able to overcome any obstacles that lay ahead. Although there were warning signs of tough times ahead. I chose to press on.

I have been blessed in many ways from choosing this path. I have learned great things, seen great sights and met some wonderful people along the way.

Now four years later, I have found myself again stumbling, struggling to keep my footing. Turns out this path I have been journeying on is actually more of a orangey-yellow. Yes, I may still be able to see great things or do great things if I stay on this path but the good times will hardly make up for all the hard ships it would take to get there.

I have made the decision to take the long road back to the beginning in hopes that I will be able to find a true yellow brick road that will lead me in the right direction to find true happiness.

The Getty with Mom

2008-10-20T09:11:00.000-07:00

Mom came into town on Wednesday to help me move. We decided to go to the Getty. There were lots of cool sculptures and things but our favorite part was the garden tour. It was cool to hear about the design of the building and to hear how the indoor and outdoor architecture and how they tied it all together.

The gardens were beautiful! We got a nice view of my apartment (the tallest white building).

Anyone Wanna Go?

2008-10-15T15:24:00.001-07:00

I heard about Body Worlds when it was touring in LA, but it was too late. I just found out it is now in Salt Lake and I want to go. I am fascinated with the body and all the incredible things it does, and now I want the inside look...

You know you wanna!

Tuesday Tell All

2008-10-14T15:45:00.000-07:00

If I could be on any reality TV show which would it be and why?

Not because I am fierce or that I could be America's next top model, but because of the amazing shoots they do on that show! Every week is something different. Every week I have to watch the show just to see the shoot they do. There are so many ideas that I have that have been inspired by ANTM. I would learn to like Tyra Banks if I could work on her show. (Funny story: saw her 2 weeks ago at Cheesecake Factory with 2 of her friends enjoying herself a huge rack of ribs!!!)

Here's Some Fave's:

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

2008-09-23T16:31:00.000-07:00

As much as I love the summertime, I am SO excited for Fall and Winter. Maybe being in California for the last year and a half has changed my perspective a bit on this. There are so many things I am excited about. I can't wait for:

LOTS of family time!!!

Little kids in adorable costumes

All the festive decor

Candy

Sweater Season

Lots of Cheesy movies

Hot chocolate

Pumpkin carving

Pumpkin Pie

Scary men dressed as Santas

Snowfalling

Yummy Turkey dinner

Excitement

This year there will be lots of babies

Sitting by the fire

Apple Cider from Starbucks

Building snowmen

Homemade rolls

Buying presents and giving them

Jumping into piles of leaves

Everyone is so much more giving

Nina's Pie

Decorating the tree

Everyone helping in the Kitchen contributing in some way to the big feast

Christmas music

Just being cozy

Scarves and gloves

Leaves crunching under your feet

snow covered mountains

Trick or Treaters

Scary movies

Cinnamon Pinecones

Pecan Pie

Leaves changing colors

I anticipate that this will be the greatest Holiday season yet!

Phew!!!

2008-09-16T16:51:00.000-07:00

There is a great amount on relief that comes with facing fears. I told my boss, amidst all the chaos that has consumed my office that I am quitting.

I have been contemplating for several months, whether or not I should move home. Do I really want to? Am I ready to leave California? What am I going to do there? Do I go to California, or Colorado? What is the right thing for me right now?

I decided that it is time to go. That the things that I came to do here are done. Did things turn out exactly like I had planned or hoped they would? No, but I have no regrets. I came here to follow my dreams. I met great people. I was involved in great things. I have grown tremendously as a person and I have learned a lot about the things that are really important to me. I know that nothing is more important to me right now than being near my family and the people that mean the most to me.

I don't have a plan. Over the course of the last 18 months, I have learned that sometimes it's okay not to know what is next for you. Sometimes you just have to take it one day at a time and see what doors open before you.

I am sad to be leaving the relationships I have built, the perfect year-round weather, the beautiful beaches, the inspiring artists I have looked up to, and the crazy people on the buses. There are so many things that I am going to miss but I will never forget the things I have learned and the friends I have met.

This change is bittersweet. I am sad to be leaving so much behind but I am excited about the things that await.

Man of Few Words

2008-08-26T20:45:00.000-07:00

He is the most loving, patient, hard-working, tough, quiet, happy, simple, observant, and special man I have ever know. His hands are calloused and his hair is rough. His eyes twinkle, and his voice is soft. He loves to travel and see the world. He loves history and building tractors. He takes great pride in his garden. You never know exactly what he is thinking but if you ask and listen carefully he will tell you. He is never the first to speak up but his words are wise. He his a tough guy with a tender heart. When I sit next to him he will slowly reach over and hold my hand. We just sit there watching everything go on around us and when I look over at him he is smiling. This is how I know he loves me. At the end of a visit as I get ready to leave I give him a hug and he wraps his arms around me and then leans back and says softly and quickly "Now hurry back. Don't let it be so long before we see you again. I love you." I smile big and say "I love you to Gramps. I will be back soon."

Grandpa Havolyn went and had to get more tests done. They are still waiting for the results. Waiting is never easy, especially when the results may be something you don't want to hear.

But whatever they are He is a fighter, I know he will take on whatever battle comes next.

I am so grateful for this man of few words and the great lessons he has taught me and for the love he shows me. I am grateful when I am told that I am the"quiet observer" I like to think I get it from you. I love you Gramps and can't wait to see you soon.

Tutti Fruiti goodness!

2008-08-15T13:53:00.000-07:00

For lunch $3 and I get a glorious bag of the most amazing fruit ever.
It may not look sanitary but it is delicious.

I...

2008-08-08T11:57:00.001-07:00

I am...still finding out.
I think...I can, if I try, if I want.
I know...more than I think I do. Not as much as I allow myself.
I want...to know, peace, confidence, love.
I have...love, direction, guidance, peace.
I wish...I knew.
I hate...unhappiness, pride, unkindness.
I miss...my dad, and my family.
I fear...the unknown, chainsaws, failure.
I feel...loved, crowded, alone.
I hear...buses, sirens all day long.
I smell....the ocean breeze.
I search...daily, for you, new things.
I wonder...how things would be different if...
I regret...not loving enough, caring too little.
I love...today.
I care...more than I should at times. Sometimes not enough.
I always...look for the good.
I am not...many things but I am okay with that.
I believe...most things are possible.
I dance...when I am happy, at halloween, when no one is watching.
I sing...all the time, mostly in my head so no one can hear me.
I don't always...want to but I will.
I write...my feelings better than I say them.
I win...when I least expect it.
I lose...if I don't try.
I never... knew things could be so difficult and so simple at the same time.
I listen... to music, all music, all day long.
I create...beauty.
I can usually be found...most of the time.
I'm scared of...things that don't really matter.
I read...a little. To learn, to find answers.
I am happy about...life, for what I've learned, and for things to come.

*Anyone else?*

Look!

2008-08-07T16:36:00.000-07:00

Yeah, that was me in like the first 1.5 seconds
(3 seconds if you count loading time).
I'm famous or something.
That was a fashion show I did almost a year ago,
and just now came across this video on YouTube.
I Love YouTube!

What a Week!

2008-07-30T13:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, a 5.8 Earthquake

Today, filming with the Food Network channel.

Tomorrow Mormon Dodger Night
This has been an eventful week!

I want to help...

2008-07-25T14:47:00.000-07:00

I have decided that its time for me to do something that I have wanted to do for a long time. I have always heard stories from people who have done it or know people that have done it and now its my turn. There are a bunch of different organizations that go to different 3rd world countries and work in orphanages, build communities, and educate the people of these different places. I want to do it, I am going to do it. The hard part is just finding the right people to go with. It would be great if there was a group through the church but I haven't been able to find one. I have researched a bunch but there are SO many groups. Any ideas or suggestion would be greatly appreciated!

2008-07-24T14:07:00.000-07:00

Take my hand and follow me, There are things ahead for you to see. Little wonders are all around, And tender mercies to be found. We’ll take our time, no need to run, Breathe deep the air and feel the sun. The grass is soft beneath our feet, Sounds are soothing, the air is sweet. Sometimes we’ll stop and just be still, Our hearts will tell us God is real! Small graces along our path appear, They let us know that Heaven’s near. So take my hand anew each day, The walk is lovely and I know the way. - Greg K Olsen

"...the Lord’s tender mercies do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Faithfulness and obedience enable us to receive these important gifts and, frequently, the Lord’s timing helps us to recognize them.

"We should not underestimate or overlook the power of the Lord’s tender mercies.
The simpleness, the sweetness, and the constancy of the tender mercies of the Lord will do much to fortify and protect us in the troubled times in which we do now and will yet live.
When words cannot provide the solace we need or express the joy we feel, when it is simply futile to attempt to explain that which is unexplainable, when logic and reason cannot yield adequate understanding about the injustices and inequities of life, when mortal experience and evaluation are insufficient to produce a desired outcome, and when it seems that perhaps we are so totally alone, truly we are blessed by the tender mercies of the Lord and made mighty even unto the power of deliverance (see 1 Ne. 1:20)." -Elder David A. Bednar

6 Hours and Counting....

2008-07-18T16:18:00.000-07:00

CAN'T WAIT!

Not so pretty...

2008-07-18T08:26:00.000-07:00

SO this was me about 3 hours ago, literally, only a little more red in the face.
Great way to start your day in the middle of Koreatown on a gloomy Friday morning.

Life Throws Another Curveball

2008-07-17T16:49:00.000-07:00

Every now and then, life throws you a curve ball. Unexpected, uncommon, unlucky curve balls. And every now and then, you get a hit.Whether you were trying or not, you somehow magically hit it right on target and the curve ball goes soaring through the air until eventually, it's gone. Sometimes, that curve ball is your life. The curve balls will never stop, but with a little hope and a little faith, we will always know how to soar. "Be not afraid of greatness. Some people are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them."

Fear Becomes Reality

2008-07-02T11:50:00.001-07:00

No this picture is NOT me.

About a month ago when I was home getting my hair cut,
Cynthia couldn't help but mention a single gray hair she found on my head.
Thanks right? Freaked me out. I am only 22. I am not married and I have NO kids to blame.
I thought this was cruel and not right.

Well the other day found yet a 2nd gray hair on an entirely different part of my head.
Thats right folks I am going gray!
I guess this natural hair color things isn't going to stick around too long after all.
This is not cool, not in the least.

Tag! Your IT!

2008-06-29T19:34:00.000-07:00

A--Attached or Single? Single
B--Best Friend? Sleeza's
C-- Cake or Pie? cheesecake
D-- Day of Choice? Saturdays, they don't come around often enough
E-- Essential Item? Ipod, it is the only thing that blocks out the ranting crazy people i commute with.
F--Favorite Color? Black and bright colors. I don't have one favorite anything
G-- Gummy Bears or Worms? Anything gummy is great
H-- Hometown? Richfield
I-- Indulgence(s)? Pinkberry with pineapple, strawberry and raspberry please
J-- January or July? July-having the 4th as a favorite holiday runs in the fam
K-- Kids? love them, don't have them, hope one day I will
L-- Life is Incomplete Without? family, gospel, music
M-- Marriage Date? I would like to know
N-- Number of siblings? 2 Older sleeza's
O-- Oranges or Apples? Any fruit will do
P-- Phobias or fears? chainsaws
Q-- Quotes? You can tell the true measure of a man by what he does for the ones that can do nothing in return.
R-- Reason to Smile? I find new reasons to smile everyday.
S-- Season? Tough one. I like them all but winter tends to be too cold, summer too hot, spring too short, and I completely missed out on fall this year. California only has 2 seasons Spring and summer.
T-- Tag 5 People? Jess Izatt, Kylene, Jess Wirth, Mehgan and Kelly
U-- Unknown Fact? Hmm...
V-- Very Favorite Store? Nordstrom and MAC
W-- Worst Habit? I have lots of bad habits...
X-- Xray or Ultrasound? X-ray of a half inch sewing pin stuck in my foot
Y-- Your Favorite Food? Again, I don't have favorites. I like all foods, except chocolate
Z-- Zodiac? Scorpio

IMATS

2008-06-27T14:35:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I had the opportunity to go to IMATS. I was there assisting the photographer for Makeup Artist Magazine and had a great time. We ran around like we were crazy to catch everything that was going on. But it was great, I got to see EVERYTHING and meet a lot of major makeup artists including Dick Smith, Bill Corso, Todd Macintosh, and Ve Neill. Unfortunately didn't get any pictures with them but definately something I will remember.

There were a lot of really great demo's and things to see including a museum of Stan Winstons projects. He passed away a week before the show, unexpectedly and the show put this gallery together as well as a special tribute that was very well put together.
Here are some pictures from his gallery.

Batman
(from a different gallery)

Nelly Recchia demo

There was so much more but didn't have time to catch it all.
Can't wait for next year!

SYTYCD

2008-06-18T11:58:00.000-07:00

This is the first year I have watched "So You Think You Can Dance" and I am already obsessed. I loved these dances from last week and can't wait to see what they do tonight!

Cute dance...Even if they did get kicked off

Happy Birthday K-Ball!

2008-06-16T09:33:00.000-07:00

Saturday was Kimball's 28th Birthday

On Friday Amy made a delicious cake and we sang Happy Birthday.

Saturday me, Kimball, Amy, Greg, Vic, Lise, Mehgan, Tiffany, and Tommy
headed to Six Flags for a little adventure.

After sitting in line for 3 hours for X2 we were hot and exhausted.
As we walked our way to Goliath we passed this mister and Greg couldn't get enough. We literally sat there for a good 15 minutes while he cooled off.

We only rode about 4 rides, but we had a GREAT time.
Afterwards we headed to the International House of Pancakes
Where we learned a life changing lesson.
Who knew they waiters at IHOP can only read minds BEFORE 4 PM?

Happy Fathers Day

2008-06-15T09:33:00.000-07:00

I have always been a Daddy's Girl and Fathers Day is one of those days that I don't think will ever get easier. It gives me the opportunity to look back and remember some great things about my dad. But it makes me realize all the things I miss. As I looked through my box of Dad stuff, I was thinking of all the things that I miss.

*His laugh-the contagious chuckle that escaped his wide smile.

*His hands- I have never seen such GIANT hands. He always wore his CTR ring and I swear I could fit it around two of my fingers. And the way his giant hands were always holding the hand of a small child.

*Eating all of the pink Gatorade gum and pretending that it wasn't us.

*He loved children- As I went through my box of pictures there were VERY FEW that didn't include a baby in his lap or a kid(s) at his side.

*The way he smelled.

*Saturday morning breakfasts.

*The way he loved visiting with the old and teasing the young.

*Eating ribs and french bread (with lots of butter) and ginger ale, followed by a bowl of pralines and caramel ice cream with Sandie pecan cookies.

*The way he signed his name.

*The way he crossed his legs as he tied his shoes so the bow was on the side instead of the top.

*The songs that he sang all the time-- "I like to go swimming with bull-legged women..." and the BYU Fight song. And the occasional "Heheheheheheee wipe oooout!"

I could go on and on about the things I miss. I am grateful for the Dad that he was and is and I can't wait until he can wrap his arms around me again.
Love you dad and miss you like crazy!

I will always be your SUN...SHINE!

I am Grateful

2008-06-04T15:24:00.000-07:00

"Mercies and blessings come in different forms--sometimes as
hard things. Yet the Lord said, 'Thou shalt thank the Lord thy God in
all things' (D&C 59:7). All things means just that: good things,
difficult things--not just some things. He has commanded us to be
grateful because He knows being grateful will make us happy. This is
another evidence of His love."

I am grateful that through those gray clouds in the sky, the sun will still shine through.

My family. There are no words to express my gratitude to the most valuable people in my life. Some people have the best grandparents, some have the best siblings, some have the best mom or dad, some really like their cousin. But I have the best of them all. I wouldn’t trade a single relative. Even the crazy ones that at times can be a little much, I wouldn’t be who I am without them. They believe in me no matter how many times I fall. They are there to carry my burdens with me. I am grateful.

The eye of a child. I wish I could go through life with a child’s perspective. They always make the bad seem ok, the good seem great, and the dull often a little more humorous. I am grateful.

I am grateful for my bed. Sometimes I catch myself complaining that it isn’t the most comfortable bed. Up until 4 months ago I would have killed to have slept on anything that wasn’t full of air. I am grateful.

Learning of others trials and imperfections. Not because I like to see others in pain, but because I know how to feel for them. It reminds me that I am not alone and that sometimes my problems really aren’t problems at all. I am grateful.

The ordinary people in my life that make my life so extraordinary. The ones that I get to surround myself on a daily basis and learn from, grow with, and love. I am grateful.

Memorial Day Weekend

2008-05-29T10:40:00.000-07:00

I spent memorial day weekend in Richfield with my family. It had been too long since I had been to see everyone and it made for a nice little getaway. On Sunday, I took Morgan and Parker to the park to play. I love being with these kiddos. They had so much fun playing on the slides and the teeter totter. I had my camera and as soon as I brought it out they went crazy, running from me and trying to hide from the camera. Chasing them around was tiring but I got some great shots. I love Parker's expressions in these pictures.

We went to the cemetery and I had forgotten what a sight it can be over memorial day weekend.
A million bright colored flowers covering the grounds, and such a loving, peaceful feeling.
This is one of Grandpa Havolyn's favorite things to do each year.

I Love that guy. I am so grateful for the man that he is.
For the Grandpa that he has become over the years. I love it when I get ready to leave
and he gives me a big hug, then looks me right in the eye and says in a soft, loving voice,
"I love you, now don't let it be so long before you get back here."
I am blessed to have such great grandparents.

Happy Birthday.....

2008-05-23T10:57:00.000-07:00

SLEEZA D!

Hope you can look past that eye patch and (other events) to find many things to smile about today! I love you and I am so grateful to have you in my life!
SDLY

I think I can, I think I can... I DID, I DID!

2008-05-20T15:43:00.001-07:00

For so long you have had this goal to climb this mountain, this really beautiful, majestic mountain that everyone who has experienced raves about. They say the view from the top is like nothing you could ever imagine. You know its going to be hard, and you know you won’t be able to do it alone, but you want it bad enough and you have a really special friend to help you along the way. You decide it’s time, You start the climb and its harder than you ever imagined it would be, but so much more rewarding. With every step you feel success, and it gives you just enough boost to take the next step. Along the way you meet some unexpected visitors, but they don’t harm you. Somewhere along the way you missed the sign cautioning falling rocks, but they land right behind you, never hurting you. You get tired, and your friend pulls through and helps you keep going. You see all these beautiful things that you never knew existed. You are nearing the top and you are full of energy and are determined not to stop until you get there. Just a little ways to go and you’re there. Finally, you arrive at the top of this mountain and you are speechless, the feeling that you have is something you have never felt before. Any fear or doubt that you once had is long gone. You feel like you can climb any mountain that gets in your way.

Climbing this mountain has changed my life.

5 Days in Paradise

2008-05-15T14:59:00.000-07:00

DAY 1

After 2 hour flight delay, due to aircraft malfunction, we FINALLY arrive in Maui.

It was a "bit" windy but beautiful nonetheless.

We arrived at the Royal Lahaina Resort, where we would be staying for the next 4 nights. It was awesome. We were staying right on the beach, and had a beautiful view from our balcony.

First thing, we headed down to the beach for a sunset swim.

And then piled into the hot tub, with little room to spare.

DAY 2

We woke up bright and early to board the ship to go snorkeling at Molokini Island.

Still a bit windy, but still BEAUTIFUL!

Apparently this is the largest tree on the island.
It was pretty cool to look at, but apparently at night, local tweakers and other really cool people hang out there to harass the tourists and steal their purses.

Krista, Heidi, Bonnie, Micah, Katie, me

Jarom, Micah, Lindsey, me

Molokini Island

We saw lots of cool creatures, including an actual octopus, it was really cool,

although I don't look the least bit amused.

DAY 3

Krista, Tanya, Lindsey, and Bonnie woke up at 2:15 AM to head to the top of a volcano, freeze as they watch the sun rise and the ride bikes down. The rest of us slept in til 7-ish and then headed on a little adventure.

First stop the Blow-hole!

Altough this picture does not depict the strength of the water shooting from the hole in this mountain, it had great strength, as Katie and I found out seconds after this picture was taken. It nearly knocked us over.

It was definitely a highlight of the trip.

That night we went and enjoyed Lava Flo's.
Heather ordered "the one in the pineapple"

They were TASTY!

DAY 4

The Road to Hana

The boys headed over bright and early to pick up the jeeps that we had rented for the day as we travel the road to Hana (the windy road that takes you around the whole island). Along the way there are little stops that you can make at different waterfalls, black sand beaches, red sand beaches, cliffs overlooking the ocean, etc.

The Drive was BEAUTIFUL!!!

Liz and I

A little off-roading down this crazy dirt road full of trash and a bunch of abandoned cars-

random I know!

We realized once we maneuvered past all the cars that the road led nowhere but to over look the ocean. It sure made for a fun adventure!

The Gang

Next stop was the black sand beach.

It was so cool to see the vibrant blue waves crashing on the jet black beach.

I have never seen anything like it.

After we had made all of our stops and the sun had began to go down,

we started on what would be a LONG drive home.

By this point we had made it almost back to where we had started in Lahaina.

We were aware that part of the road may be blocked off, but were informed that we would be able to jump out move the sign and keep going.

However, when we reached that part of the road, we found not just a sign saying the road was closed but 2 big, beautiful boulders blocking the entire road.

Our only option was to turn around and make our way back the way we came.

Thanks to the boys who stuck it out after driving ALL DAY,

we made it safely back to our hotel around midnight.

We saw a beautiful rainbow stretching over the sky everyday we were there.

Pretty amazing!

Day 5

Our last day in Maui. We woke up went to the beach for a couple hours, packed our bags and headed back to the airport. We were not ready to leave, but we all had a great time.

I can't wait to go back.

Thanks Markus for all your hard work in planning such a great trip.
Can't wait for the next one!

And thanks to everyone who was able to come.

You are all great and it wouldn't have been the same without you!

Can't Wait!

2008-05-13T15:49:00.000-07:00

12-12-08

"Everything I am, and ever will be I owe to my mother" -Abe Lincoln

2008-05-12T17:18:00.000-07:00

This woman is one of the strongest most, incredible ladies I have ever known. She is beautiful, wise, smart, loving, thoughtful, faithful, and cares so much for her kids that she is willing to sacrifice anything and everything for their happiness. When we are struggling she feels it the most. There isn't anything she wouldn't do for us, and I am so grateful that she is mine. She is one of my best friends and I look up to her so much. She has always been such a great example and always taught us to trust in the Lord no matter what. With Him ALL things are possible and she is proof that it's true. If I can be even half the woman that she is, I would be better off than most people. I love you mom and I hope you had a great birthday and wonderful mothers day. I miss you and wish I could have been with you.

Guess who's back....

2008-05-12T15:19:00.000-07:00

And feeling a little homesick?

We had a great time in Maui. I love it there. Part of me really didn't want to leave that beautiful place. But the last couple days were a little rough. Being on vacation makes me miss my wonderful family. I hate being away from them and for some reason it really hit being on vacation without them.

I am really so lucky to have been blessed with such a great family, and not just my parents and siblings. Its the whole gang. ALL of them. They love me and stand by me no matter what, through the good the bad and the ugly. No one can argue that there's is better cause its just not true. Simple as that. I love you all and can't wait to see you in approximately 32 days! (that feels like an eternity)

I will post picture from the trip very soon.

This time tomorrow...

2008-05-06T14:50:00.000-07:00

I will be soaking up the sun on the beautiful beaches of Hawaii,
while drinking fresh pineapple juice.

I will have forgotten about the 57 loans and
the hundreds of emails from prospective students that await my return.
I will not be thinking of the bills I need to pay.
I will not be thinking about the apartment that needs cleaning.
I will not be thinking about the options I have been weighing over.
I will not be doing anything that I don't want to do.
I will not be thinking about anything that I don't want to think about.

My only obligations for the next 5 days is to relax,
have fun, make memories, get a tan and make it back in one piece!
(Since I don't always have the best of luck)

I will take many pictures to post so I can share with you this grand adventure!
ALOHA

Pure Yumminess!!!!

2008-05-02T08:38:00.000-07:00

So our friend Annie came over last night for dinner and made some yummy dessert. She made Key Lime Pie. I love Key Lime Pie. I have never tried to make it. I always thought it would be difficult or time consuming to make. But I am wrong. There are probably a million different recipes and ways to make it but the recipe she has was so good and so easy, only 3 ingredients!

1/2 c. fresh squeezed lime juice
1 can of sweetened condensed milk (she used fat free)
1 reg. size cool whip (also used fat free)

Mix it all until it is completely smooth and pour into a pre-made graham cracker pie crust (or make your own). Place in freezer until firm (we did for about an hour) When it is frozen it has the consistency of cheesecake. It was so good and fresh tasting. A great refreshing summer treat.

We kept in freezer and I even had a piece for breakfast. I recommend serving it with a little whip cream on top. I am also interested in trying it with a little raspberry topping or something, I think it could be "muy delicioso"!

2008-04-29T16:54:00.000-07:00

For over 6 years I have known you and hoped for things that would never happen. My idea were simple and perfect.
You were everything I could have ever wanted or imagined , but it wasn't just you, it was everything about that I wanted for y fairytale ending. It started out simple, a surprise start to a friendship that I would later count on for support when there was no one else. I was shocked, flattered and excited about it. This simple friendship that would soon stretch and grow so strong over 1,469 miles, was a blessing. Not just for me. As time passed on, things changed. We got older, life got complicated and it seemed distance had somewhat stretched this friendship a little too thin. The unexpected happened. Not just in my life but in yours too. I knew that it was all in the plan. That this was a stepping stone for our friendship. But the thing that was supposed to bring us together, for comfort, support, and understanding that no one else knew, tore us apart. Afraid to feel, we hid and ran away. My heart broke for you. I wanted to help, but you can't help someone that won't accept it. My arms were not long enough to reach you. The further I reached, the further you were. My ideas became distorted, and I was afraid. But my ideas held strong in my mind.
I have been waiting, patiently. Of that I think you are completely unaware, but it's true. I would have given up anything, at any moment but I guess it doesn't matter now. Cause I am throwing in the towel. I can't take it anymore. I need to give in and let go. Things change, people change, and it always happens when you least expect it, or maybe I expected too much.
Now I am here, and you are there and distance separates us once again. It's time for me to bury your piece of my heart and move on. I can't change the way things are, I never could. I have done my part, I did what I could, now it's up to you.

"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted."

2008-04-23T17:06:00.000-07:00

Everywhere

2008-04-19T17:41:00.000-07:00

I get silly little reminders of my dad all the time.
In little unexpected ways.
Just reminding me that he is always here watching over me.

This is my "office" (it's actually more of a corner) at Cinema Makeup School.
They have been redecorating a bit
around the school, we have a bunch of movie posters
of films that our instructors have been involved with.
They have been moving them around, and decided since mine and Leonard (Engelman)'s
office is just a bunch of white walls
that it would be a great idea to hang some in there.

This is my desk.

I now have someone watching over me at work too :)

Pretty Amazing!

2008-04-18T15:59:00.000-07:00

From the first time I saw her work I was amazed.
I think the reasons are obvious.

This is work by one of my Instructors at CMS Nelly Recchia.
Her imagination and creativity is unlike any I have seen before.

Her work inspires me.

American Idol

2008-04-16T08:35:00.000-07:00

This is the first year that I have really followed American Idol. The talent on there this year is Fantastic. I have a couple favorites that I am rooting for, and one of them is David Cook. Every week he stands out. And this week he blew me away. When I first heard they were singing Mariah Carey songs I was trying to figure out what everyone would be singing, and David Cook since he is definitely more of a rocker had me a little worried. Then he announced that he would be singing "Always be My Baby" and I was definitely concerned/excited/hopeful that he would do something great, and he did! I think it was the best performance of the season. I can't wait to buy his CD. Check out the performance from last night, it's awesome. I love the end when he gets all teary eyed! Love Him!!!

Foot Note

2008-04-14T08:43:00.000-07:00

Exactly 1 Year ago this weekend, On Friday the 13th, I was in the emergency room after stepping on a sewing pin and 1/2 of it breaking off in my foot. The doctors at the ER couldn't get it out, so I had to wait until Tuesday to go see a specialist who also couldn't get it out. The only way they would be able to find it is if they did a major surgery that could possibly just leave my foot more damaged.
I wasn't going to let that happen, so I went home and soaked it in HOT water and found it myself!

Well this weekend I was found having yet another foot problem. I was in my apartment cleaning up a bit and went to put my makeup case away in the closet. In that closet we also have a nice huge TV that is being stored. Well I opened the closet door reached up to move something on the shelf when the TV jumped out of the closet and landed on my foot. How it fell I am not sure. I had not even touched a single thing. There was nothing that I could tell that would have made it fall, but it did. The pain was more excruciating than you can imagine! It swelled up pretty good and is a nice shade of purple. But I think I will be ok. Thanks to my roommate Amy who was there to witness the whole thing and immediately got me some ice and made it feel a whole lot better! THANKS AMY!

2008-04-09T14:51:00.000-07:00

I am not sure why I am posting this. Maybe it's because it is one of those things that everyone fears. The chances of it happening to you aren't very good, but I am sure it's something everyone has thought about and thought it would be hilarious to see it happen so someone else, but never you, right?

I remember when I was younger watching the movie "Now & Then" and always laughing hysterically when a bird poops on poor Chrissy.

Well today I was walking into work from lunch. I was carrying my food in one hand and my ipod in the other. I turned the corner and all of the sudden saw something land on the screen of my ipod and then felt something hit my arm. What was it?

THATS RIGHT, A BIRD CRAPPED ON ME! Well not exactly on me, I turned around to look and lucky enough for me a HUGE glob of nastiness had landed right behind me!

I ran upstairs to the office and made Danae take a look and make sure nothing really did land on me and looks like I got pretty lucky. Or is it getting crapped on by a bird that makes you lucky, I am not sure?

Dream on...

2008-04-04T13:52:00.000-07:00

I have found myself thinking a lot about dreams lately. Over the last couple years, I have noticed my dreams being easier to recall, they have common situations in a number of different ways (location, people in it, etc.), and more graphic than ever before. The more I think about the dreams I have the more I think there really is more to them than images dancing through my head while I sleep. I believe dreams do have meaning. I don't think dreams are necessarily revelation but I think there is a reason our minds think the things it does.
When I have one of these dreams that I can recall so vividly, I can think of a million things that it could mean. Some of them are the obvious things that it's like "Oh yeah, that makes sense" But even though it seems logical I still think there is more to it.
We had a speaker at one of our FHE's and she is a child psychologist and she uses dreams in her work a lot. She did an example of what she does when talking to them about dreams. For us she had us all write down or draw a dream that we remember. Then she had a volunteer come up and started asking her questions about her dream. The girls dream was a recurring dream she had when she was little that she still remembers. She is lying in bed when a man enters her room and she can't see his face. Through the dream he starts doing some things to her that most people would consider traumatizing, and then her dad comes and saves her. The lady was asking her all these questions like "what was the color of the blanket?", "what color was your nightgown?", "how did you feel when he first entered the room?", "did he say anything, did you say anything?", "Did call for help?', and so on. She emphasized that the important things weren't just about the man entering the room, and what he was doing to her. EVERYTHING MEANT SOMETHING.
I feel like with many of my dreams having so many things in common that there must be a meaning behind some of them. A lot of my dreams involve my dad. Most of them take place in Richfield or at my family members homes, people that have highly influenced my life are often there and people that I have lost contact with. I think dreams are linked to emotion and feeling. I think there is so much depth to dream analysis, that maybe I will never know the true meaning behind my dreams but I have become fascinated with dreams. I want to learn as much as I can about dreams, but its tricky.
I have looked and some books and websites about dreams and many of them seem real hokey. There are a lot of crazy people that think they know the truth behind dreams. I don't even know where to start really in doing this. Maybe I am one of those crazy people and really dreams are just dreams but I don't believe that's true. I know dreams aren't necessarily revelation or fortune telling. I don't think just because you have a dream about a guy that you are going to marry him. But I think there is something to be learned.
I wikipedia-ed Dreams and I found some of the information on there pretty interesting. I think it is interesting that negative feelings are more common in dreams that positive feelings. I know that is true for me. There was quite a bit of information on there that I am going to use in my quest to figure out my dreams.

All in a Year

2008-04-01T16:29:00.000-07:00

I have learned the importance of direction. How important it is to know North from South, East from West, and how easy it is to lose your sense of direction in an unfamiliar place.

I have a new appreciation for feet and how valuable they are.
Listening to the waves crash really does seem to take away all your worries.

I have seen the sadness in so many people's faces. I would like to tell them the simple secret that would give purpose to their life, understanding of who they are, where they come from and what they are truly capable of, and hope for many wonderful things to come.

I can tell you how to get anywhere in LA by bus.

I have seen so many young people who carelessly throw their lives away, for very little temporary satisfaction.

I have a new love for frozen yogurt! PINKBERRY IS pretty much THE BEST THING EVER!

I have met many people who are inspiring. They are here following their dreams and believe so much in themselves that they really will make it. I wish we all had that kind of confidence.

I have learned just how disgusting cigarettes really are.

Eating outdoors at a restaurant all year long is wonderful.

I have yet to figure out how people live in million dollar homes, drive multiple luxury cars, wear only designer clothes/handbags/shoes/sunglasses, travel all over the world, provide their children with all of the same, and never work.

I have learned how important it is to have a voice, get involved, and use voting as a way to voice your opinion.

Having blue skies pretty much all year long really goes make life seem better.

I miss having a lawn to lie on.

It is perfectly OK to be 25 and NOT married. It does NOT make you an "old maid".

It sure doesn’t feel like Christmas when its 70 degrees outside.

Weekend brunch makes the weekends seem a little more relaxing.

There are so many great things about living in LA, but the hardest thing is being away from my fam and my friends back home. Being with my family means more to me than having my dream job.

I am grateful that I have survived out here an entire year. I have learned a lot about who I am and what I am capable of. What started out as a 10 WEEK deal has turned into 1 incredible YEAR, that I will always look back on, and never regret.

Happy Birthday Kate!

2008-03-26T10:25:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow Katie turns 26!
(That means you are only 4 years from 30!!!)
She is one of the most amazing girls I have ever met,
and lucky enough for me she's my sister
and one of the best friends a girl could ask for.

There is no one in the world like her.
She has been such a great example in so many ways.
No one can make you laugh the way she does.
She has always been my protector,
(just ask Mr. Erickson!)
I have always looked up to her,
hoped that one day I can be just like her.

She is so smart, and can do anything at first try.
She works harder than anyone I have ever met,
and she stands her ground, and doesn't take crap from pretty much anyone.

Kate has so much going for her.
She is one day going to make a lucky guy very happy,
bless the lives of some adorable brown eyed babies.
And realize for herself that she really is as great as we have always known she is.

SDLY Sleeza!
Happy Birthday!

Mommy & Me Time

2008-03-24T12:40:00.000-07:00

My mom came to spend the weekend with me. We had a GREAT time. She insisted I take some picture to show everyone where I am living. This is what I call
home.

Can't complain much about my life in LA!

We went shopping, enjoyed listening to street performers at 3rd street promenade, and taking naps on the beach.

Check out this little princess celebrating her 1st birthday celebrity style
cruising down the boardwalk in her remote control convertible!

ADORABLE!

She picked a wonderful weekend to come out 80 degree weather with ocean breeze.
It was BEAUTIFUL!

I loved having her hear,
hated saying goodbye when she left,
and can't wait for her to come back soon!

SDLY Mudda!

Happily Ever After... FOR REAL!

2008-03-20T12:49:00.000-07:00

One Year Down...ETERNITY To Go!

There are so many reasons why these 2 are 2 of my favorite people.
It’s not just because they are family.
They are just 2 great people

Who have taught me a lot about what it is to love someone.

They bring out the best in each other.
They want the best for each other.
They know how to laugh together.
They know how to work together.
And they know how to drive each other crazy.

They know what it takes to make a marriage work,
and they are both dedicated in making it work.
He has made her happier than I have ever known her to be.

Brandon loves her perfectly, just the way she deserves to be loved.

I am so grateful that they found each other when they did.
I couldn't have picked anyone more perfect for my sister.
I know that someone up there definitely had a hand in this one.
The 23rd marks their ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!

And I couldn’t be more excited to see what year #2 has in store for them!

(i'm hoping for a niece or nephew...wink wink!)

SDLY Jules, and you too Brother Husband!

I am OK

2008-03-13T20:11:00.000-07:00

Julie wrote this for one of her classes and I had to repost it. I have a brilliant sister, and yes we are OK. Love Ya Sleezas!

I am not a survivor of the selfish
because I pined to be.
I didn't crave the whispers
of the small town mind
as I walked among the dead.

I am not living drained, mindless, and empty
because of the holes left in his head.
I've grown only to be the daughter
of a man who was a prisoner
to his own mind.

I am not a mess, case study, disaster,
unstable, or numb drunk.
I am not anything expected.
I am ok, not because I am amazing or unscathed or unscarred.
I learned to keep my eyes open.
I am ok because
that is all I know how to be.

You're STILL You

2008-03-11T15:03:00.001-07:00

March is a complicated month.
It brings a lot of sadness, with a lot of happiness for my family.
This week I am missing my dad. He would have turned 52 on Sunday, and
Thursday marks the 4th year that he has been gone.

On one of my field trips to capital reef.

Although he is not here physically, I know he is with us every day .
I feel him around me all the time.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of him and the MANY great memories we have.
He was a great dad, and I know his 3 girls were the highlight of his life.

One of possibly a BILLION photos of him, like this with a baby in his arms.
(this one is me)

One of my favorite places to fall asleep.

He was often found with "loads" of children.
Whether in the trailer on the 4-wheeler, on tubes behind the truck, or inside the hovercraft,
They were always there.

Him and his favorite "little brown buddy"

Always up for an adventure

He was definately a dork

Definately was...

But we love him

And we will always miss him!

Love you Dad!

My first tag...

2008-03-04T16:07:00.000-08:00

10 years ago: I was 12, in 6th grade. Moving into our new home.

5 things to do on my list: laundry, grocery shopping, watch American Idol, write letters, go to gym.

5 snacks I enjoy: any fruit, starburst, the easter reeces pieces eggs, fruit leather, ice.

3 bad habits: nail biting, being indecisive, being too sarcastic sometimes...

Places I've lived: Richfield, Alpine, Highland, Orem, American Fork, LA

What I would do if I suddenly became a Billionare: pay off school loans, buy a house, travel, go on humanitarian trips and do some good for some people, etc.

Jobs I've had: Car-hop (sonic), hostess at Alpine Art Center, intervener for USDB, nanny, makeup artist, administrator

5 things you don't know about me: I don't like chocolate, I only have 26 teeth, I really don't care for Will Ferrel, I miss Richfield, I hate dealing with loans.

I tag Julie, JaLee and Kylene.

Memories

2008-03-03T10:38:00.000-08:00

I have had a lot on my mind lately, mostly involving my family.
I hate being away from them. I received a box of stuff from home and
inside was a bunch of pictures of my dad and I came across these photos of me and Grandpa Bill.
I miss that cute, gentle, patient man.
I see all these little old men on the bus everyday, who in many ways resemble him.
He has been on my mind a lot lately.

I am grateful for the grandparents I have been blessed with.
I am grateful for the time I have been able to spend with my grandparents.
Many people do not know their grandparents well, and I am lucky enough to have lived very close to all of mine for most of my life.
I am grateful my parents taught me how to love my grandparents.
I can't wait to see them all again.

If I could turn back time...

2008-02-27T09:58:00.000-08:00

On Saturday our ward held the first annual "Wardstock/Love Fest" We all dressed as hippies, and some very talented people from the ward performed.

We brought blankets and laid them out, We got to hear from "The Zach Pond Experience", "Flower Power" (Jonna is amazing!) and a tribute to Jimi Hendrix by Todd Petersen.

We had so much fun!

I have become so inspired by the things that went on in the 60's and 70's. I am in love with the film Across the Universe, the music is incredible. (And so is Jude)

And the winner is...

2008-02-26T17:23:00.000-08:00

I had a great opportunity to attend the 2008 Makeup Artist and HairstylistSymposium for the Oscars. We got to hear from each of the nominees about their experience on the films nominated for and meet and mingle with them afterwards.

The nominees this year included some amazing artists such as, Rick Baker and Kazu for Norbit, Ve Neill and Martin Samuel for Pirates of the Caribbean 3,

and Didier Lavegne and Jan Archibald for La Vien Rose.

CMS Instructors Gayla Basehart, Lee Joyner, Leonard Engelman, and Mireille Bertrand

It was a great experience.
2 of the greatest Makeup Artists ever!
Leonard Engelman and Ve Neill

Kaanapali Beach, Maui, Hawaii

2008-02-15T14:23:00.000-08:00

Kaanapali Beach
Maui, Hawaii
May 2008

A friend found a GREAT deal on a trip to Hawaii, after not a lot of thinking we booked the trip! My first trip to Hawaii and I am SO excited. I can't wait. I hope the next 2 months fly by! Here's a look at what I will be soon experiencing.

I am really excited for this adventure and I am excited to be going with a great group of people that I am going to get to know and love. Are you jealous? Cause you should be!

2008-02-12T12:40:00.001-08:00

Amazing how 4 short years can hold SOOO much.

2008-02-08T20:14:00.001-08:00

Katie "the great" Julie "the Brain" Brandon "the husband" Haley "the makeup artist" Morgan "littlest sister"

Bored on a Friday night... what more could you want than to become an M&M! Check us out!!

To become and M&M yourself click here http://www.becomeanmm.com

It's good for a laugh anyway...

Welcome!

2008-02-07T16:46:00.000-08:00

I have taken the advice from many of my friends and family and I am FINALLY starting my own blog. Bare with me as I adjust...I hope I get the hang of it quickly! Love you all and miss you all! Can't wait to see you hopefully soon!!

Fam Dam

2008-02-07T16:14:00.000-08:00

The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's possessions, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, with individual quirky habits, we are loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bind us all together FOREVER.
How lucky I am to be stuck with my family!