There are days when you wish you could just call someone on the phone and have them tell you exactly what you want to hear, just the right thing to calm your fears, gives you hope, puts the light back in your eye, and makes everything seem okay. It's not always that easy, at least for me. When I find myself in that place I usually will not call, instead I wait it out by myself or tell myself to get over it, I'm fine.
Today was one of those days. Nothing happened to put me in this place, but a combination of recent things just got to be too much. It is hard being in this place, a place that used to be home. A place that I always wanted to come back to. But now I am here, and it feels so empty. All that is left here are reminders of how things once were. I am too close to one thing that I can't have and everywhere I go I am reminded of that. It is frustrating to be the one with all the pain, struggling to hold on to the hope for things that lie ahead. I didn't choose for things to be this way. I didn't want this. It wasn't my actions that shattered your heart into a million pieces, yet I am the one suffering.
I came across a old receipt that had written on it a couple notes from relief society many months ago by an amazing sister back in LA. I had written on it the title of a talk from Elder Holland, "An High Priest of Good Things to Come". I got on the computer and looked it up. And the tears continued to stream down my cheeks. He says:
"...there is the promise of “good things to come.” My declaration is that this is precisely what the gospel of Jesus Christ offers us, especially in times of need. There is help. There is happiness. There really is light at the end of the tunnel. It is the Light of the World, the Bright and Morning Star, the “light that is endless, that can never be darkened.” It is the very Son of God Himself. In loving praise far beyond Romeo’s reach, we say, “What light through yonder window breaks?” It is the return of hope, and Jesus is the Sun. To any who may be struggling to see that light and find that hope, I say: Hold on. Keep trying. God loves you. Things will improve. Christ comes to you in His “more excellent ministry” with a future of “better promises.” He is your “high priest of good things to come.”
I am not carrying this pain on my own. My Savior has been here before, he has walked this path and felt this pain. There is a plan and I have been promised good things and I will receive those good things. I will only have to bear this for a short time. I just have to Hold on.
Deck Before and After
2 months ago