Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Void

i have been back half a year. and i miss it like you wouldn't believe. when i was there i missed home. but i came home to find that "home" was different than i remembered it. my home moved 285 miles. its not the same. i am glad to be back with my family but it's not the "home" i missed. i didn't miss the house. i missed belonging, familiarity and having loved ones at hand. there is a different feeling here. i don't know my place in this town. 5 streets are starting to become familiar but beyond that is unknown. i am "home" yet i am still missing...

i miss living on the 3rd floor of barrington plaza. i miss being greeted by beltus-my crazy stalker/doorman each night. i miss my 4/5 roommates. i miss late night chats with some of my favorite girls. i miss our girl talk and learning from each others experience. i miss smelling floyd and frederick as i walked in the door. i miss our dirty carpet. i miss sleeping across from collette and (brianne, tiffany, doris, suzy, etc). i miss getting ready for church on sunday mornings with my church music blasting through the wall to our non-member neighbors. i miss the boys upstairs. and k-ball, greg and vic. i miss the ward out there. i miss bishop eastland. i miss l-z relief society. i miss the friends i made in that ward. i miss tiff, mehgan and kelly, lise and hannah. i miss riding the metro. i miss the array of smells on the bus. i miss running up to the bus as it pulled away. i miss cms. i miss the crazy people i worked with. i miss the talented people i got to meet and be influenced by. i miss sharing an office with leonard. i miss doing makeup.

i could go on for hours listing the things i miss. each thing i think of brings up something else. there is so much there that i will never have here. i can't wait to go back and visit. i can't wait to see those girls. i can't wait. hopefully i won't have to wait too long.

7 comments:

The Beals said...

Hey cute girl! This made me sad to read this! I know what you are going thru.. but not quite to that extreme. We moved from everything familiar.. all friends.. all family.. and even though we didn't move that far (only 30 minutes) .. I feel like we live in a different country. Everything and everyone is so foreign. It has been almost a year and I still feel SOOO out of my element. For a long time I would cry my self to sleep because I missed everyone and everything SOOOO much. I finally just had to "find my place" Some hobbies, some friends, and decide that "I" had to make it okay for myself. I am feeling the same way about Richfield. My parents moved to a different house, in a different area of town and I now feel like its a strange place when I go visit. Its sad that things change and people change.. its sad that life still goes on weather we are ready for it or not. I want my life to stay in the same little comfy place that it has been for years.. I just haven't figured out how to make that happen ;)
Go find your "thing." If you need to come and see if your "thing" is here.. I WILL BE YOUR FAMILY AWAY FROM FAMILY!!!! I HAVE AN EXTRA ROOM!! Maybe your thing is where you are.. and you will find it! Just keep your chin up! You are an amazing, talented, beautiful girl! You have the whole world waiting at your finger tips! I know its hard to figure out how to get a hold of that world... but you will do it! "I can do hard things".. that is a quote that someone told me a long time ago.. and it sticks in my mind ALLL the time. Sorry to ramble on forever... maybe that was a little needed "self help" for me too! ;)
Sure love ya girl! You are awesome! Keep your chin up.. and COME AND VISIT ME! I would be in heaven if one day all 3 of you... NOOOO 4 (including cute little MEL) would show up at my door step and we could do lunch!! I would be in heaven if you showed up and we did lunch! Come by any time.. My door is ALWAYS open!! We may live in Chaos from time to time.. but its super fun Chaos!

mastermind said...

Yeah hopefully WE won't have to wait too long either!! Come back!! We miss you!

Jess said...

I miss you, and I miss home too. Love you!

Mallory Hanna said...

Good luck with getting settled into a new place. Being home but not feeling home can be a rotten feeling...ugh.
P.S. Your blog is so aesthetically pleasing:)

M. Owen said...

Oh Bug, you make me sad. I always told you that "home is where your mama is", but time and distance makes it a struggle sometimes. You have been in limbo so long....I don't understand it, but I pray that you will. I love you so much and hope that you can make freinds here and the ward gets to feel like home. It doesn't still quite feel like home to me either, but getting a calling in the ward and working with some great ladies has helped. Hopefully the same will happen for you. We need a trip to Utah soon!!!!
XOXOXO
Mama

kate said...

good plan mama...come to utah on the jiff!!

The Barclay's said...

Haley, I found your blog on blog frog. It's been a long time. I am just making my blog private next week so you'll have to go and check it out. danandemilybarclay.blogspot.com