Not very often...

but once in a while, I get angry.

Today is one of those days.

I am mad that I have been robbed of someone that can't be replaced.
I am angry that I have to wait a lifetime to be with him again.

I am angry cause I didn't get to say goodbye,
I am angry that he didn't tell me goodbye.

I am angry that I don't remember the last conversation we had.
The last conversation that I do remember having was a few days before, I think it was his birthday. He had just went to see Passion of the Christ. He didn't like the movie. "It was difficult to watch". We talked about the atonement.
He said he missed me and he loved me. That is the last conversation I remember vividly.

I didn't get to talk to him that last Saturday. I was working all day. He called once while I was at work and didn't leave a message. I wish he would have.

I am angry at Kristie for the way she has chosen to handle or rather not handle things since he left.
I am angry that it is "too painful for her".

I am angry that we spent that last few years so far apart.

I am angry because I felt cheated cause he missed my volleyball games, he didn't get to know my friends in high school or dance the "father daughter dance" at my junior prom.

I won't ever get a father daughter dance.

But I am really angry about the things that he is going to miss out on.

I am angry that I won't get to introduce him to the man I marry.
I am angry that he won't be there to threaten him when he asks me to be his wife.

I am angry that I won't get to call him when I find out I am pregnant with my first child.
I won't get to see he hold my babies and look at their toes.

I am angry that I won't get to watch him get old.
That he didn't get to live a full life and that was his choice.
I am angry that he was sick, and couldn't control his actions.

I hate that this "happened for a reason"
and that "this is the way things were suppose to end up".

I am angry that he loved us enough much to leave us.

I am angry because anger is part of the "process"
Why is this the first time in 5 years that I have felt this kind of anger?

I hate that I can't have all the answers now.

I have no problem talking about my dad to others, but I am angry that it is so painful to talk about him to the ones that share the pain.
I am angry that the only way I feel I can release all this anger right now is on the World Wide Web.

I am angry that love can cause so much pain.
I am angry that this pain is real.