Good Things Will Come

There are days when you wish you could just call someone on the phone and have them tell you exactly what you want to hear, just the right thing to calm your fears, gives you hope, puts the light back in your eye, and makes everything seem okay. It's not always that easy, at least for me. When I find myself in that place I usually will not call, instead I wait it out by myself or tell myself to get over it, I'm fine.

Today was one of those days. Nothing happened to put me in this place, but a combination of recent things just got to be too much. It is hard being in this place, a place that used to be home. A place that I always wanted to come back to. But now I am here, and it feels so empty. All that is left here are reminders of how things once were. I am too close to one thing that I can't have and everywhere I go I am reminded of that. It is frustrating to be the one with all the pain, struggling to hold on to the hope for things that lie ahead. I didn't choose for things to be this way. I didn't want this. It wasn't my actions that shattered your heart into a million pieces, yet I am the one suffering.

I came across a old receipt that had written on it a couple notes from relief society many months ago by an amazing sister back in LA. I had written on it the title of a talk from Elder Holland, "An High Priest of Good Things to Come". I got on the computer and looked it up. And the tears continued to stream down my cheeks. He says:

"...there is the promise of “good things to come.” My declaration is that this is precisely what the gospel of Jesus Christ offers us, especially in times of need. There is help. There is happiness. There really is light at the end of the tunnel. It is the Light of the World, the Bright and Morning Star, the “light that is endless, that can never be darkened.” It is the very Son of God Himself. In loving praise far beyond Romeo’s reach, we say, “What light through yonder window breaks?” It is the return of hope, and Jesus is the Sun. To any who may be struggling to see that light and find that hope, I say: Hold on. Keep trying. God loves you. Things will improve. Christ comes to you in His “more excellent ministry” with a future of “better promises.” He is your “high priest of good things to come.”

I am not carrying this pain on my own. My Savior has been here before, he has walked this path and felt this pain. There is a plan and I have been promised good things and I will receive those good things. I will only have to bear this for a short time. I just have to Hold on.

Grateful For It

Grateful for portable heaters that I can move around my apartment with me to keep from freezing.

Grateful for my fam. Somehow I managed to get the best parents and siblings anyone could ask for. They are my rock.

Grateful for timing and how things always work out.

Grateful for my today's and that I am able to spend these last days with BJ. As hard as it may be it is a true blessing. She is a pillar of strength. She has experienced life to the fullest. She knows what she believes. She will spend her last days doing things for people. She knows forgiveness. She is thoughtful. I don't understand why people have to go through so much pain but she does it with grace and never fails to find reason to laugh. I have so much to learn.

Grateful for the sun shining.

Grateful for great ward leaders. No matter where I have been I have managed to be put in wards where the leaders are inspiring, encoufaging, and full of love.

Grateful for neighbors unsecured internet and the way it helps me to feel connected.

Grateful for my health. As I watch others striggle I realize I take it for granted.

Grateful for my ability to speak out although it isn't always very loud.

Grateful for knowledge. There is so much that I have learned that has changed my life for good. I am a better person because of what you have taught.

A reminder

"Tragic or humorous is a matter of perspective"

Perspective changes everything.

Sometimes I forget this and think that things are just as I see them.

But I don't always see them for what they really are.

There is good in hard,
learning in silence,
strength in weakness,
flaws in perfection.

It is just a matter of how you look at it.

I just need to remember that.

A few people I am missing today

It is a shame that we can't tuck a handful of people into our pocket to take with us on this walk of life. Too often we get to enjoy being together just long enough to make it painful to go without. Luckily paths will cross again but sometimes it's just not soon enough!

Mastering Fear

"Fearlessness is not the the absence of fear. Rather, it's the mastery of fear. Courage is the knowledge of what is not to be feared. There are things that we should be afraid of- we want to stay alive, after all. We will never completely eliminate fear from our lives, but we can definitely get to the point where our fears do not stop us from daring to think new thoughts, try new things, take risks, fail, start again, and be happy.

Fearlessness is about getting up one more time than we fall down. The more comfortable we are with the possibility of falling down, the less worries we are of what people will think if and when we do, the less judgmental of ourselves we are every time we make a mistake, the more fearless we will be, and the easier our journey will become."

-from On Becoming FEARLESS by Arianna Huffington

A New Way in the New Year

2008 has come and gone as 2009 approaches

I have done a lot of thinking about the things that await in the new year.
It excites me.

There will be a lot of changes,
some expected some not.

But in either case I look forward to it in much anticipation.

I hope that 2009 brings:

happiness
health
opportunity for growth
adventure
peace
gratitude
patience
knowledge
love

Inspired by Jim Carrey in 'Yes Man', a CD and a commencement address, that I randomly came across. I have decided against making any New Years Resolutions and that instead I will be making a change to my attitude and my approach to life.

I will start "living fearlessly in a fearful world". I will say "yes" to new opportunities. To things that I don't like. To things outside my comfort zone. To things that I fear.

This will be a year of growth in many ways that are unknown.
And I am looking forward to each day.


I am grateful for the things that 2008 brought.

I have learned what it means to live, to love, to lose.

I have grown as a woman.

I have grown as daughter of God.

I have learned from my mistakes.

I have learned to go with my gut, in spite of what I want.

I have learned the importance of family and what it means to "be there".

I have witnessed miracles in the midst of the storm.

I have learned that almost 5 years later, I still miss you.

I have learned to rely on the Holy Ghost and my Heavenly Father through the good and the bad.

I have learned that my plan isn't always the best plan.

I have learned that things always work out for my own good.

I have learned what it means to follow the prophet, blindly because you don't always understand.

I have learned the importance of education.

I have learned and grown more in the last 12 months than I ever thought I could and I will only learn and grow more in 2009.

I Think...

this is where I will be heading next.
Denber, Colorado
I think it could be good.
We'll see.