For over 6 years I have known you and hoped for things that would never happen. My idea were simple and perfect.
You were everything I could have ever wanted or imagined , but it wasn't just you, it was everything about that I wanted for y fairytale ending. It started out simple, a surprise start to a friendship that I would later count on for support when there was no one else. I was shocked, flattered and excited about it. This simple friendship that would soon stretch and grow so strong over 1,469 miles, was a blessing. Not just for me. As time passed on, things changed. We got older, life got complicated and it seemed distance had somewhat stretched this friendship a little too thin. The unexpected happened. Not just in my life but in yours too. I knew that it was all in the plan. That this was a stepping stone for our friendship. But the thing that was supposed to bring us together, for comfort, support, and understanding that no one else knew, tore us apart. Afraid to feel, we hid and ran away. My heart broke for you. I wanted to help, but you can't help someone that won't accept it. My arms were not long enough to reach you. The further I reached, the further you were. My ideas became distorted, and I was afraid. But my ideas held strong in my mind.
I have been waiting, patiently. Of that I think you are completely unaware, but it's true. I would have given up anything, at any moment but I guess it doesn't matter now. Cause I am throwing in the towel. I can't take it anymore. I need to give in and let go. Things change, people change, and it always happens when you least expect it, or maybe I expected too much.
Now I am here, and you are there and distance separates us once again. It's time for me to bury your piece of my heart and move on. I can't change the way things are, I never could. I have done my part, I did what I could, now it's up to you.

"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted."

Everywhere

I get silly little reminders of my dad all the time.
In little unexpected ways.
Just reminding me that he is always here watching over me.

This is my "office" (it's actually more of a corner) at Cinema Makeup School.
They have been redecorating a bit
around the school, we have a bunch of movie posters
of films that our instructors have been involved with.
They have been moving them around, and decided since mine and Leonard (Engelman)'s
office is just a bunch of white walls
that it would be a great idea to hang some in there.

This is my desk.

I now have someone watching over me at work too :)

Pretty Amazing!

From the first time I saw her work I was amazed.
I think the reasons are obvious.

This is work by one of my Instructors at CMS Nelly Recchia.
Her imagination and creativity is unlike any I have seen before.

Her work inspires me.

American Idol

This is the first year that I have really followed American Idol. The talent on there this year is Fantastic. I have a couple favorites that I am rooting for, and one of them is David Cook. Every week he stands out. And this week he blew me away. When I first heard they were singing Mariah Carey songs I was trying to figure out what everyone would be singing, and David Cook since he is definitely more of a rocker had me a little worried. Then he announced that he would be singing "Always be My Baby" and I was definitely concerned/excited/hopeful that he would do something great, and he did! I think it was the best performance of the season. I can't wait to buy his CD. Check out the performance from last night, it's awesome. I love the end when he gets all teary eyed! Love Him!!!

Foot Note

Exactly 1 Year ago this weekend, On Friday the 13th, I was in the emergency room after stepping on a sewing pin and 1/2 of it breaking off in my foot. The doctors at the ER couldn't get it out, so I had to wait until Tuesday to go see a specialist who also couldn't get it out. The only way they would be able to find it is if they did a major surgery that could possibly just leave my foot more damaged.
I wasn't going to let that happen, so I went home and soaked it in HOT water and found it myself!

Well this weekend I was found having yet another foot problem. I was in my apartment cleaning up a bit and went to put my makeup case away in the closet. In that closet we also have a nice huge TV that is being stored. Well I opened the closet door reached up to move something on the shelf when the TV jumped out of the closet and landed on my foot. How it fell I am not sure. I had not even touched a single thing. There was nothing that I could tell that would have made it fall, but it did. The pain was more excruciating than you can imagine! It swelled up pretty good and is a nice shade of purple. But I think I will be ok. Thanks to my roommate Amy who was there to witness the whole thing and immediately got me some ice and made it feel a whole lot better! THANKS AMY!

I am not sure why I am posting this. Maybe it's because it is one of those things that everyone fears. The chances of it happening to you aren't very good, but I am sure it's something everyone has thought about and thought it would be hilarious to see it happen so someone else, but never you, right?

I remember when I was younger watching the movie "Now & Then" and always laughing hysterically when a bird poops on poor Chrissy.

Well today I was walking into work from lunch. I was carrying my food in one hand and my ipod in the other. I turned the corner and all of the sudden saw something land on the screen of my ipod and then felt something hit my arm. What was it?

THATS RIGHT, A BIRD CRAPPED ON ME! Well not exactly on me, I turned around to look and lucky enough for me a HUGE glob of nastiness had landed right behind me!

I ran upstairs to the office and made Danae take a look and make sure nothing really did land on me and looks like I got pretty lucky. Or is it getting crapped on by a bird that makes you lucky, I am not sure?

Dream on...

I have found myself thinking a lot about dreams lately. Over the last couple years, I have noticed my dreams being easier to recall, they have common situations in a number of different ways (location, people in it, etc.), and more graphic than ever before. The more I think about the dreams I have the more I think there really is more to them than images dancing through my head while I sleep. I believe dreams do have meaning. I don't think dreams are necessarily revelation but I think there is a reason our minds think the things it does.
When I have one of these dreams that I can recall so vividly, I can think of a million things that it could mean. Some of them are the obvious things that it's like "Oh yeah, that makes sense" But even though it seems logical I still think there is more to it.
We had a speaker at one of our FHE's and she is a child psychologist and she uses dreams in her work a lot. She did an example of what she does when talking to them about dreams. For us she had us all write down or draw a dream that we remember. Then she had a volunteer come up and started asking her questions about her dream. The girls dream was a recurring dream she had when she was little that she still remembers. She is lying in bed when a man enters her room and she can't see his face. Through the dream he starts doing some things to her that most people would consider traumatizing, and then her dad comes and saves her. The lady was asking her all these questions like "what was the color of the blanket?", "what color was your nightgown?", "how did you feel when he first entered the room?", "did he say anything, did you say anything?", "Did call for help?', and so on. She emphasized that the important things weren't just about the man entering the room, and what he was doing to her. EVERYTHING MEANT SOMETHING.
I feel like with many of my dreams having so many things in common that there must be a meaning behind some of them. A lot of my dreams involve my dad. Most of them take place in Richfield or at my family members homes, people that have highly influenced my life are often there and people that I have lost contact with. I think dreams are linked to emotion and feeling. I think there is so much depth to dream analysis, that maybe I will never know the true meaning behind my dreams but I have become fascinated with dreams. I want to learn as much as I can about dreams, but its tricky.
I have looked and some books and websites about dreams and many of them seem real hokey. There are a lot of crazy people that think they know the truth behind dreams. I don't even know where to start really in doing this. Maybe I am one of those crazy people and really dreams are just dreams but I don't believe that's true. I know dreams aren't necessarily revelation or fortune telling. I don't think just because you have a dream about a guy that you are going to marry him. But I think there is something to be learned.
I wikipedia-ed Dreams and I found some of the information on there pretty interesting. I think it is interesting that negative feelings are more common in dreams that positive feelings. I know that is true for me. There was quite a bit of information on there that I am going to use in my quest to figure out my dreams.

All in a Year

I have learned the importance of direction. How important it is to know North from South, East from West, and how easy it is to lose your sense of direction in an unfamiliar place.

I have a new appreciation for feet and how valuable they are.
Listening to the waves crash really does seem to take away all your worries.

I have seen the sadness in so many people's faces. I would like to tell them the simple secret that would give purpose to their life, understanding of who they are, where they come from and what they are truly capable of, and hope for many wonderful things to come.

I can tell you how to get anywhere in LA by bus.

I have seen so many young people who carelessly throw their lives away, for very little temporary satisfaction.

I have a new love for frozen yogurt! PINKBERRY IS pretty much THE BEST THING EVER!

I have met many people who are inspiring. They are here following their dreams and believe so much in themselves that they really will make it. I wish we all had that kind of confidence.

I have learned just how disgusting cigarettes really are.

Eating outdoors at a restaurant all year long is wonderful.

I have yet to figure out how people live in million dollar homes, drive multiple luxury cars, wear only designer clothes/handbags/shoes/sunglasses, travel all over the world, provide their children with all of the same, and never work.

I have learned how important it is to have a voice, get involved, and use voting as a way to voice your opinion.

Having blue skies pretty much all year long really goes make life seem better.

I miss having a lawn to lie on.

It is perfectly OK to be 25 and NOT married. It does NOT make you an "old maid".

It sure doesn’t feel like Christmas when its 70 degrees outside.

Weekend brunch makes the weekends seem a little more relaxing.

There are so many great things about living in LA, but the hardest thing is being away from my fam and my friends back home. Being with my family means more to me than having my dream job.

I am grateful that I have survived out here an entire year. I have learned a lot about who I am and what I am capable of. What started out as a 10 WEEK deal has turned into 1 incredible YEAR, that I will always look back on, and never regret.